Desiderium
by livelaughlauryn
Summary: What could have happened between Clary and Jace on her birthday that night if Simon hadn't been in Clary's room when they go back from the greenhouse? *at some parts it get sexual, so if you can't handle that, don't read*
1. Falling Angels

" _You never had to steal my breath or take it away, somehow you have always managed to convince me to hand it over freely"_

Jace stared at his ceiling, deep in thought. Although his wounds were now healed, thanks to Hodge, his body radiated a numb pain.

"_pain is just weakness leaving the body_," his father used to always tell him.

He didn't mind the pain. It took the edge off his thoughts, which seemed to be elsewhere. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately. He tried with every fiber of his being to direct his thoughts away from Clary Fray but the more he tried, the stronger his feelings for her became. Ever since he met her, she was slowly becoming the center of his world. He found himself caring less about things he did before, such as weapons, demons, training, and more about Clary. He wanted to protect her. Make her safe. Make sure nothing ever harmed her. He wanted to wrap himself around her and give her the world.

Was this love? He asked himself only to dismiss the thought almost entirely.

_Love is for children._

He winced as he recalled the memory of his father killing his pet falcon.

_To love is to destroy_.

The thought of destroying Clary, made his blood rise in anger. The thought of harm coming to her, much less at his own doing, made him sick.

No, he did not love Clary Fray. He could not. He would not. And yet, he did. Jace rolled over on his bed and sighed. He was tired. Tired of fighting what seemed so right. Being around Clary seemed, so natural. Just her presence made his adrenaline soar. Her touch? Her touch made him feel invincible. Could this be love? What if it was? Would he be so bold and profess it? What if her feelings weren't returned. The thought of it horrified him. He had never doubted himself around females. Why would he? He was gorgeous, anyone could see that. Charming, cocky, and arrogant, he could have any girl he wanted, and he did. For no female, mundane or not, could resist his charms. But Clary? Something about her was unsettling. She was a challenge, and as much as he loved challenges, this was one he wasn't entirely sure he could face.

His thoughts were interrupted with a knock on his door. He sat up anxiously. He sauntered over to his door, pausing momentarily before answering, running his fingers through his disheveled golden hair. His stomach sank with disappointment as he slowly opened the door.

"Oh" he said irritably, turning away. Hodge followed after him.

" I'm not here to chastise you. There will be plenty of time for that in the morning", Hodge reassured him. Jace pretended to busy himself with his stele.

" I just thought you'd like to know that tomorrow is Clary's birthday". Jace felt his composure change, if only for a second, before regaining it back to careless resentment to was showing towards Hodge.

"right then", Hodge nodded before closing the door behind him.

Jace sat in silence before finally breaking into a smile. If to love is to destroy, then he would destroy himself loving her, he laughed as him walked over to the metal ornate box that sat atop his desk. As he reached inside, he pulled out a small rock and slipped it into his pocket before leaving the room.

* * *

Clary sat alone in her room, waiting for sleep to come, but alas it did not. Accepting the inevitable fate that slumber was out of the question, she rolled out of bed.

She was just reaching for the sketchpad under the pillow when a knock sounded on the door. She padded barefoot across the room and turned the doorknob quietly.

It was Jace.

Clean, in jeans and a gray shirt, his washed hair a halo of damp gold. The bruises on his face were already fading from purple to faint gray, and his hands were behind his back.

"Were you asleep?" he asked.

There was no contrition in his voice, only curiosity.

"No."

Clary stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind her.

* * *

**_from here the story fades back into the original City of Bones text. if you would like me to add it to the story, so it wont be complicated picking back up, then I will. If not, I'll leave it as it. Stay tuned for more :)_**


	2. The Midnight Flower

They made their way back downstairs the way they had come, but it felt like a different journey entirely to Clary. Jace kept her hand in his, sending tiny electrical shocks traveling up and down her veins from every point where he touched her.

Her fingers.

Her wrist.

The palm of her hand.

Her mind was buzzing with questions, but she was too afraid of breaking the mood to ask him any of them. He'd said "too bad," so she guessed their evening was over, at least the kissing part. They reached her door. She leaned against the wall beside it, looking up at him.

"Thanks for the birthday picnic," she said, trying to keep her tone neutral.

He seemed reluctant to let go of her hand.

"Are you going to sleep?"

He's just being polite, she told herself. Then again, this was Jace. He was never polite. She decided to answer the question with a question.

"Aren't you tired?"

His voice was low. " I've never been more awake".

He bent to kiss her, cupping her face with his free hand. Their lips touched, lightly at first, and then with a stronger pressure. She felt his arms wrap around her small body, pulling her closer into him. Effortlessly, he picked her off the ground. Almost instinctively, Clary wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed her back against the wall, steadying himself.

Then with one arm still wrapped tightly around Clary, Jace found the handle of her bedroom door. And with one swift, precise motion, opened it and stepped inside. He spun gracefully across the room as if he were dancing a slow, sensual ballet. Soft and strong.

Carefully, he placed Clary on the edge of her bed, kissing her deeply. She fell back into the smooth blankets, her fiery red hair cascading down her face. Jace stood above her, his hands busy in the swift removal of his shirt. Clary could see his bare chest, covered in thin white scars, longing to touch it.

She reached for his shoulders, slowly trailing her hands down his muscular arms. He caught her hand and brought it to face, resting his cheek in her palm. He glanced down at her wrist. Clary could see the faintest of outlines of her own scar, where it sat at the base of her wrist.

Jace kissed it tenderly, slowly making his way down her arm, with strategically placed kisses. Each time his lips met her skin, electricity shot through her body. He stopped at the base of her shoulder, before burying his face in her exposed neck.

"Clary," he whispered into her ear, almost lyrically.

Clary gasped softly, pulling him closer to her.

Her fingers entangled his golden hair and he brought his mouth back to hers. His lips were soft, warm and passionate. His hands slowly made their way down her sides, stopping at her waist, inches away from the hem of her tank top.

He looked down at her, adoringly and she gave a small but definite nod. Delicately, he pulled the fabric up her torso and over her head, revealing her pale pink bra underneath. Clary blushed with self conscious embarrassment.

"You're so beautiful", Jace whispered assuringly, returning to her side to kiss her once more.

Clary wrapped her arms under his shoulders, raking her fingers across his back.

Her nerves were on fire. His skin on her skin sent fervorous pulses down her spine. With his right hand tangled in her hair, his left hand traced her torso, leaving goosebumps in its tracks. He stopped hesitantly at her waist.

Lingering.

Deciding.

Clary gazed at him flirtatiously, daring him to continue.

He slowly bit her lip and lowered his hand into her baby blue shorts. Clary gasped and dug her fingers into Jace's back.


	3. Sweet Disposition

As his hand moved, Clary's breathing began to match its rhythm. She felt Jace's breath soft on her neck, quickening as he moved. Electricity erupted in her knees, moving through her thighs and into her stomach.

Clary threw her head back, as she lifted her hips up towards Jace, gasping for air. Jace slowly removed his hand from her shorts and rolled over on top of her, his arms on either side of her head, supporting his weight as he loomed above.

Clary stared up and his muscular bare chest, and let her eyes follow the path down his body. She noticed the ever-so-present bulge in his jeans and longer to see what his pants were restricting. He leaned down, kissing her fiercely, letting her hands trail down his body as he did so.

She stopped at the waist of his jeans, just above the looked down at her hesitantly as she lingered at his waist. His skin on fire at her touch.

"Clary, I -"he began but was cut off as Clary leaned closer to kiss him affirming that she wanted him to continue.

He broke free from her lips, leaving the bed. He stood at the edge, slowly undoing the zipper of his jeans. As he pushed them down to the floor, Clary could hear her heart beating loudly with anticipation. Jace stood in front of her, completely naked and as gorgeous as ever. He placed his hands on her hips and with an effortless tug, removed the baby blue cotton shorts.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever saw.

Jace grabbed her leg, softly placing his lips on the inside of her knee, kissing it slowly, gradually making his way down her thigh. Clary sighed sweetly. Placing himself just above her, Jace leaned down, gently kissing her on the forehead.

" Jace", she whispered as he entered her slowly.

Clary's stomach tensed as widened her legs, for easier passage. Jace grunted as he quickened his motion, causing Clary to wrap her legs around him. As he pushed himself completely inside her, Clary let out a cry of pleasure. He quickened his thrusts, faster and faster as she released squeals of excitement, unable to contain herself.

Clary dug her nails into his back, causing him to go faster, harder. She raised her hips to him, arching her back, body convulsing with spasms as he went. She cried out loudly, not concerned if anyone heard her.

Jace could feel the pressure welling up inside him as he grasped Clary tightly. He used all his strength to push himself full throttle as she wiggled beneath him, moaning his name.

Finally, when the sensation almost seemed like it would rip through his body and envelope them both, he grabbed Clary tightly and came like he never had before. Clary vibrated with ecstasy as she climax, clinging to Jace. He collapsed onto her chest, breathing heavily.

* * *

Clary now lay asleep on Jace's chest. He watched as her head rose and fell with every breath she took. He had never seen anything more peaceful, more beautiful than her. He slowly twirled tendrils of her hair between his fingers and softly stroked the bare skin of her shoulder, exposed by the comforter.

" Happy Birthday, Clarissa Fray", he whispered before drifting off to sleep.


	4. Daybreak

Morning light broke through window to Clary's bedroom. It danced around her room, tip-toeing across her eyelids. She slowly outstretched her arm, only to find it colliding with Jace's face.

"Good morning to you too", he sleepily mumbled from underneath her palm.

"Sorry," she replied, quickly pulling her hand away.

She had forgotten he was in her bed. Last night seemed like a dream. A delicious, sensual dream none the less.

"How did you sleep?",Jace asked dreamily, pulling her into his arms. He kissed her softly on the cheek as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Last night, was," she paused, trying to find the words to say. "Last night was something out of a dream. Easily the best birthday to date".

"I told you birthday's were meant to be special," he laughed rolling over. "Shit!" He cursed, after glancing at the small silver clock that occupied Clary's bedside table. The hands rested hazily on 8:15.

"What's wrong?" Clary asked curiously, trying not to sound hurt.

"I overslept, that's all. Alec and I normally do training at 8 am. I'm surprised he hasn't come looking for me," he explained, buttoning his jeans.

Clary released a sigh of relief.

"I was afraid that was directed towards me, and the fact that you were regretting what happened between us last night."

Jace pulled on his t-shirt and sat next to her in bed.

"Clarissa Fray. There may be a few things in my life that I have grown to regret. Last night definitely is not one of them. Now I don't know about you, but personally, I enjoyed myself."

Clary blushed.

"You weren't so bad yourself," she joked as she rolled out of bed. " I thought you were leaving because you realized that last night did in fact happen," she admitted as she tugged on her baby blue sleep shorts and a white t-shirt.

"Never," he laughed as he followed her to the door. " I actually wouldn't mind having a few more nights like that."

"Keep it up, shadow hunter, and you just might," she whispered lowly as he leaned in to kiss her goodbye.

"What the hell?" a voice behind them demanded, so loudly that Clary leaped away from Jace as if his touch burned her.

"Simon! What are you—I mean, I thought you were—"

"Asleep? I was," he said.

The tops of his cheekbones had flushed dark red through his tan, the way they always did when he was embarrassed or upset.

"Then I woke up".

Clary couldn't think of a thing to say. Why hadn't it occurred to her that this might happen? Why hadn't she said they should go to Jace's room? The answer was as simple as it was awful: She had forgotten about Simon completely.

"I'm sorry," she said, not sure who she was even speaking to. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw Jace shoot her a look of white rage—but when she glanced at him, he looked as he always did: easy, confident, slightly bored.

"In future, Clarissa," he said, "it might be wise to mention that you already have a man in your bed, to avoid such tedious situations

" "You invited him into bed?" Simon demanded, looking shaken.

"Ridiculous, isn't it?" said Jace. "We would never have all fit."

"We were just kissing, " Clary snapped.

"Just kissing?" Jace's tone mocked her with its false hurt. "How swiftly you dismiss our love."

"Jace . . ." She saw the bright malice in his eyes and trailed off. There was no point. Her stomach felt suddenly heavy.

"Simon, it's early," she said tiredly. "I'm sorry we woke you up."

"So am I."

He stalked back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Jace's smile was as bland as buttered toast.

"Go on, go after him. Pat his head and tell him he's still your super special little guy. Isn't that what you want to do?"

"Stop it," she said. "Stop being like that."

His smile widened. "Like what?"

"If you're angry, just say it. Don't act like nothing ever touches you. It's like you never feel anything at all."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you kissed me," he said.

She looked at him incredulously. "I kissed you?"

He looked at her with glittering malice. "Don't worry," he said, "it wasn't that memorable for me, either."

She watched him walk away, and felt the mingled urge to burst into tears and to run after him for the express purpose of kicking him in the ankle. Knowing either action would fill him with satisfaction, she did neither, but went warily back into the bedroom.


End file.
